Countdown to D-day

 Here we go.

Made a simple teaser, to our ROM 💗

#YongMarryMun is coming soon!

🌺

+1

卅 一

就这样 浑浑噩噩 又年长了一岁

Another birthday spent with COVID.

Stay home with family.

Took a day off from chaotic work.

Received lotsa food.

Received lotsa love.

Another ordinary yet blissful day.

Happy thirty-first year to me 💙

Okay. I Do 💍

2021 03 20

Our 2000th day.

Thanks Fatty for the arrangement and surprise.

Here's to forever.

I Do 💍

Grey as always

I wasn't in a good shape recently.

Not in positive mood. Feeling low. Feeling drained out.

Feeling useless.

Read some books and got recommended that is healthy to scribble out, so here I am.

Started a new job weeks ago. Changed my career line to a 9-6 routine job, not professional line.

But I handle like shit. Picking up slow and on & off got lectured by senior.

Super mess up in my mind. Stressful.

What am I doing in my life? 

Why am I still in this kinda mess and low position at age of 31?

I never really had a proper planning for my life, so, this is what I deserved now?

I can't sleep well. Hairs keep falling unhealthily. 

Worst case, I can't feel happiness. Literally.

I do smile but there is something stuck in my mind that takes away the joy right away.

Then I can feel my mind becomes cloudy and moody.

People do tell me "is okay. is easy. is alright"

But I can't feel "is easy" and is not alright.

Recently I have so many doubts to myself.

What is my value?

What am I doing right now?

Why can't I do it? 

Is it I actually a stupid just I too clumsy noticed myself?

Why can't I accept those with open heart?

Why I so weak and so lost, then end up in tears and chaos?

As an "adult" I can't voice out everything to anybody.

I need to "learn" to absorb, digest and live with the negative.

I need to be "positive". 

Nobody would be always there for my negative and tears. Not even another half / best buddy.

Yea. Always easier to say than be done.

Good luck to myself.

Wish can flip over these downsides soon.

☂

2 0 2 0 e n d

Before officially welcome 2021, is a mainstream to review current year. 

 2020 just ended like this.
Pandemic life really do made me being super unproductive.

Literally wasted about 6 months for doing nothing. *my own fault*

I'd written few goals for myself earlier this year.

Not able to achieve 100% but at least there are few that able to cross out!

1. Get a birthday present for myself ✅
2. Clear off car's loan ✅
3. Starting minimalism concept ✅
4. Keep room/living area clean and tidy ✅
5. Try to bake/cook, at least.... once ✅
6. Get JLPT N2
7. Get a MacBook
8. Control the bad temper
9. Stick to saving challenge ✅
10. Reduce Star X loan ✅
11. Highlight my hair blue
12. Paying house loan for PaMa

...... yup. that's all I committed.

2020 is a grey year to me, with a few sparkles that did lighted me up.

Going briefly here as I might won't be that hardworking to scribble in new post.

• I turned T H I R T Y
• Got myself a MYR1,000 necklace, the most expensive gift I spent for myself so far.
• Get rid of current toxic job and found new job in my favorite city.
• Sister is getting married!
• I bake. A lot!

**

So, more to go in my next 2021 post.

Gonna really plan for my 31st year great!

🌞

The Fifth

The fifth year.

五

依然在互相学习

依然在发现优点

依然挖出很多缺点

依然在磨合中

依然 是 同一个人

Blessed 💕

致 我的卅

 如果说要我自己评估一下现在已经三十的自己

我觉得是 不及格 吧 👻

主流来说 三十已经是成熟稳重

虽说可能还没到有洋房名车，可是大都有固定的方向了。

升职的升职

拼事业的拼事业

创业的创业

结婚的结婚

当爸妈的追着孩子跑

大家好像都知道自己在干嘛

即使懵懵懂懂，也是在自己的轨道上前进。

那我在干嘛呢？

没有专长 没有颜值 没有身材

没有屋子 没有背景

不想结婚 不想困在家里

没有什么东西是真正属于我

…… 有啦，

现在一辆市面上最便宜的小轿车💙

也是花了七年才终于从银行把它带回来

事业单调 工作根本不值得提起

别人都是管理阶级了

我还在每天浑浑噩噩… 

每次都问自己到底要参与这些公司的浑水多久

每次都给不了自己答案

想认真工作可是还是会被身边的坏因素被影响

自己都觉得丢脸

知道不应该过于情绪化

世界上什么人事物都有  不需要太在意

可是还是控制不了自己的心情想法

常常把自己搞得狼狈不堪郁闷心塞

又不懂该怎么去真正释怀…

对啊，我就是活得很失败啊！

我就是问题 问题就是我

盖自怨自哀的我两巴掌 然后呢？

我就是懒惰 就是没胆量 

只敢自己消化了坏情绪  继续这样颓废下去

常常都有想法很想逃离现在的生活

什么都不想要 什么都不想记得

什么责任啊想法啊包袱啊都不管

去到一个全新的地方生活整顿自己

我可以这样做吗？

我敢这样做吗？

…

致已经三十岁的我

…… 

无言 

但是 

努力活下去吧

:’)

Into the 3rd decade

July.

Into age thirty. 

Time flies.

Once thought that three-ish was so far away, but now it's here.

Doesn't have too much thought on this.

Still living my messy life.

Tons of goals still pending on my list since 20ish, hopefully those gonna achieve before 40ish.

There's a saying mentioning that, 30 is the start of new life.

I hope it works for me.

So, happy 30th birthday to me! :)

卅 · 继续努力活下去